[Devils-list] Devils... Rangers... It's all abOOT the Winning Streaks, eh?
BabySykora@aol.com
BabySykora@aol.com
Wed, 21 Mar 2001 23:14:56 EST
Home sweet home... The Devils return to New Jersey after a 5 game,
5 city, 3 state, 2 country and 1 province road trip... and will host the
Rangers... so... put on your boxing gloves... and let's get started,
shall we?
--PREGAME NOTES
-Ah... the game is on ESPN tonight, which means we'll get to hear how
sexy Martin Brodeur is when he clears the puck the length of the ice,
and how wonderfully Petr Sykora moves... and I'm sure we'll hear
Melrose compare SOMEONE to Alex Kovalev before the night is out.
Just remember that "bi-lingual" does NOT mean "bi-sexual", ok?
-The Avalanche, having clinched their division title, have apparently
decided that they'd like some rest before the playoffs, and since
they can't just tell the coach "We want to rest", an injury is the
best option... Blake injured (awaiting MRI results)... Roy injured
(tendinitis in knee)
-Pronger is already skating in practices with the Blues, and rumor
has him returning PRIOR to the playoffs. MacInnis has returned,
but couldn't help the Blues last night as they lost in overtime to
the New York Islanders. (Go Fishsticks!)
-BASKETBALL? It's 8:04pm, and we have BASKETBALL?
--TODAY'S TOP TEN LIST
Top Ten Reasons the Rangers won't make the Playoffs... Again
10. They're the Rangers
9. Penguins defense may suck, but offense is that much better
8. Islanders are the worst team in hockey, and they can beat the Rangers
7. Devils said so
6. Hockeywitch considered picking up Richter, and he blew out his knee
5. There's a reason Anaheim placed Guy Hebert on waivers
4. If Islanders fans, Flyers fans, AND Devils fans can agree that the
Rangers suck... it MUST be true
3. Team so bad, drove star Theo Fleury to drink--and he used to play
for Calgary.
2. Due to return of Mario Lemieux, Penguins given Rangers' playoff berth
by Bettman
1. Sather determined to prove that higher salary==better team no matter
what the cost
--STARTING GOALIES
NJD: Brodeur (37-15-11) 2.34gaa; 90.7%
Team Defense==6th
NYR: McLean (7-9-1) 3.59gaa; 88.6%
Team Defense==LAST
--SPECIAL TEAMS STATS
NJD: pp: 59/278 (21.2%)==4th
pk: 242/287 (84.3%)==13th
shg for: 8 shg against: 6
NYR: pp: 59/324 (18.2%)==9th
pk: 272/347 (78.4%)==29th (only Atlanta's worse)
shg for: 12 shg against: 11
--SCRATCHES
NJD: Nemchinov (knee), Corkum, Sutton
NYR: Hebert (groin), Malakhov (knee), Richter (knee), Fleury (personal)
Brown (foot), Taylor (abdominal), Ulmer, Mottau
--FIRST PERIOD
-God forbid we cut off the last four minutes of a COLLEGE BASKETBALL
game... that's MUCH more important than Devils/Rangers, wouldn't
YOU agree?
-And we move to the hockey game at 19:38 of the first, no score
-Arnott... to Sykora... Elias behind the net... I realize it'll
appear as if we're on the power play all game... the Rangers DO
suck that bad
-Pandolfo... yes, PANDOLFO... see, against the Rangers, even HE
can do something... I was going to say useful... but I take that
back...crashes into the net and play will stop as McLean just looks
at Pandolfo like he's from another planet (he is... but that's
besides the point)
-Hey! The Rangers got the puck out to center ice!
-...back in the Rangers' zone... *cameraman getting soda from
concession stands... we don't miss any of the action, though*
-Through some fluke, the Rangers get it to the Devils' blue line...
and beyond! Malhotra brings it behind Brodeur... Nedved picks it
up, and loses it to a Devil in a white sweater
-McLean hasn't covered the puck once tonight... not like he hasn't
had the OPPORTUNITY...
-Pandolfo... delusions of offense... DENIED at center ice
-McKenzie... come on... USE those Stone Hands! Does... Rangers
take over and Brodeur actually has to make a save
-Messier sends one wide as the Rangers attempt to (gasp) CYCLE the
puck... Messier behind the net... Dvorak out in front... DENIED
-Uh... ouch? Daymond Langkow's got to be having some serious
mobility problems... ESPN injury list has him out indefinitely
with "Feet (both fractured)"
-Nedved... he's got NOTHING... Brodeur says he's got NOTHING!!!
-Arnott... out in front... taken down, and now we'll actually go
on a power play
-Devils pp:
Stevens... shot deflected wide of McLean
Rafalski... ahead to Arnott... around the net, back out to Rafalski
Sykora takes it outside the circle... fires a shot... tipped wide,
and the power play expires
-We didn't have a SHOT? Against the RANGERS? On a POWER PLAY?
-Madden... nope, sorry. Pandolfo's out there with you
-Sykora... looking for Elias... cross ice... to the boards goes Elias,
to the ice goes Sykora at the hands of Kloucek and skates off slowly
as Arnott takes issue with Kloucek and will go sit for it
-Rangers pp:
Broduer vacationing from the crease... doesn't matter
O'Donnell clears... Daneyko clears... Elias clears... Stevens hammers
Malhotra into the boards... welcome to the NHL, kid
-the "power play" is over
-Rafalski... out to Gomez... Graves picks it up with a half minute
remaining in the first period... Pilon LEVELS Gomez, who never touched
the puck... O'Donnell goes after Pilon from behind... he'll go sit for
that... but so will Pilon, who retaliated... Double minor on O'Donnell,
minor on Pilon... Rangers will have the power play on the extra call
-Rangers pp:
Messier... York and Dvorak out there with him... Brodeur clears...
first period comes to a close
--SECOND PERIOD
-Rangers start the second with 1:45 on the power play
-Pandolfo... skates around aimlessly in circles... Thinks he's trying
out for the US Figure Skating team... Sorry Jay, not even they want you.
Which... Scott says he deserves Pandolfo's replica Stanley Cup because
he worked harder last year. I agree.
-Sorry... I think I missed that entire power play... Which really means
I didn't miss much, so... now that it's over, back to the game at hand?
-Rangers... They're so bad, they have delusions of PANDOLFO having
delusions of offense... and THAT, my friends, IS TRUE.
-Mogilny hauls down Hlavac, and the Rangers go on the power play again,
so it again appears as if we're even strength.
-Rangers pp:
Madden moves his stick from side to side and confuses McLean, who stands
there in a dazed stupor... Pandolfo... Nope, can't score. Not even on
McLean, who looks like a bug next to a can of Raid.
HEY! The Rangers make it into the offensive zone! (yes, theirs)
-Kloucek not STRONG enough to take on Arnott like a MAN, so he takes
hold of the stick and holds on for dear life... falls to the ice...
-Devils power play will ensue:
Sykora... off the net?
Arnott... to Sykora... one-timer... BARELY MISSES!!! Robinson can't
believe it... See, Sykora's upset because I wasn't there with my
camera taking pictures today... no one to stretch for, so he's not
all loose like usual. *smirk*
*la la la*
Mogilny... Gomez... Glove save McLean
-**Scott singing "Baby Raper" for Nedved**
-**Scott reads last call on Sykora's miss... Sends ICQ message:
"*lol* Sexually tense fuzzballs"**
-The Chaos line is on the ice... the self-proclaimed Chaos line.
Stevenson/Madden/Pandolfo... oh yeah... ANYTHING that includes No. 20
Jay Pandolfo WILL be chaotic...
-Smrek just MANHANDLED by Niedermayer... TWICE
-Kamensky... shot wide...
-Gomez... from Brylin... back to Brylin... to Brodeur?
-Mogilny... McLean deflects the shot wide as Brylin swings his stick
around and into York's arm... That's called "slashing", and it's illegal.
-Rangers pp:
Elias apologizes to Sykora after giving him the breakaway of breakaways--
on a hand pass
-Penalty expires
-Brylin... skates up on two defenders... fidgets a little...
(NJD: 1 NYR: 0) Mogilny [35] (Gomez, Brylin) [13:44]
Brylin... skates it past center... sees the two
Ranger "defenders" in front... decides "vee haff
vays of dealing mith zemmm"... passes back to
Mogilny, who takes the shot... McLean sets...
bobbles... and Mogilny scores!
-McKay just stiffarm punches Kloucek... Kloucek goes back at him...
the refs get in there, and as they do, McKay just rears back with
the right hand and lets him have one... Refs decide they've had
enough fun and break it up
-Fighting majors for that? Bullshit.
-Kloucek gets another minor, so the Devils have a power play... but
still... fighting majors???
-Devils pp:
power play indeed!
(NJD: 2 NYR: 0) Arnott [17-pp] (Holik, Elias) [15:16]
Well, he's been banging the Ranger skaters all
night... now he bangs the goalie? Arnott takes
the pass from Holik out past the blue line...
RIPS the shot... McLean thinks it's MacInnis
and flinches as the puck flips end over end
and under the glove and into the net
...it's a POWER PLAY GOAL...
(everyone together, now...) FUCK YOU SAM ROSEN!!!
-Sykora wide open?
-Stevenson DOWN and hurting near the boards... trainer out... replay
shows him going down on the right knee funny... he's up... and getting
helped off on the shoulders of McKenzie and the trainer...
-Back to the game... and my uncle's fiancee calls about bridesmaids
dresses... great... McKay, terrific! April 7, I get to go select
dress... and color... ok... good... good... she gets off the phone...
the period ends
--THIRD PERIOD
-Marty on the Rangers: "I don't like these guys"
No, really Marty... don't hold back... Tell us how you REALLY feel
-Arnott kills some other Ranger along the boards behind the play...
(doesn't matter who... it's just another Ranger)
-Hit him Jason... hit him...
-Sykora... fakes the slap shot... passes to the boards?
-Elias... to Arnott out in front... shot... Sykora... jams at it...
McLean drops... Sykora keeps pushing... yes, Petr... harder, harder...
deeper... deeper... Maybe you'll get it right the third time? OP:)
-Mogilny...
-Sandy McCarthy and Stone Hands... Refs come in before we get to see
those stone hands in action though...
-Rangers for roughing... Trying to get rough... Devils pp:
wow... I think they just took a minute off the power play so the
Rangers don't feel so entirely useless. *L*
Seconds remaining on the power play...
-So much for the power play
-Malhotra... Hlavac... PUSHED AWAY BY BRODEUR!!!
-Elias... Sykora dumps it behind the net for Holik... Rangers take it
out... Nedved ties Stevens up & rams him into the boards... but gently.
*smirk*
-O'Donnell and Forbes... FIGHT!!! Nothing special, but at least this
one is legitimately a fighting major for both players involved unlike
that SCUFFLE McKay was involved in earlier.
-Sykora... jockeying for position... Arnott... to a spinning Sykora...
can't control his own FEET, much less the PUCK...
-Kloucek lays Elias OUT... Elbow to the jaw along with the hard open-ice
hit... Arnott comes in... HE'S not pleased... Colin White comes in...
HE's NOT pleased... and now he's BLOODIED... White and RED, eh?
-Kloucek's GONE... White's GONE...
-4-on-4 for two minutes... then a three minute power play for the Devils?
Is that how this is working out?
-I guess it doesn't matter, because 4-on-4 is ok by the Devils
(NJD: 3 NYR: 0) Stevens [9] (Holik, McKay) [13:43]
Rafalski... to Stevens... PLENTY of time to rip the
shot past the scren of Jonsson in front... and the
Rangers fans have bags over their faces
-4-on-4 continues:
Pilon and Brylin bump into each other... and well... Brylin's just so
small he gets stuck somewhere underneath Pilon who stands up to reveal...
crushed fidget!
-And the NJ Power play:
1:35 on the two-man advantage? those penalties are apparently ALL
screwed up...
Sykora out at the point... to Arnott...
(NJD: 4 NYR: 0) Arnott [18-(2 man adv)] (Sykora, Elias) [16:25]
Arnott... the pass from Sykora... winds up as the
puck finds its way across the ice... tape to tape,
the one-timed "laser" ... whizzes past McKay who
feels the breeze as it goes by... and McLean STILL
looking for it. (it's in the NET, dipshit)
-Power play continues...
Devils don't have ENOUGH men on the ice... we don't NEED five skaters
to make the Rangers look foolish. (They do that on their own)
-Power play expires
-Less than a minute remaining in the third...
-15 seconds... 10 seconds...
-Stevens and McCarthy are all ready to go at it... the refs AND the
linesmen move in... OH JUST LET THEM FIGHT FOR CHRISSAKES. They're
the Devils and the Rangers. They don't like each other. Get OVER it.
-Game over.
Attendance: 19,040
--SHOTS ON GOAL
1st....2nd....3rd....TOTAL
NJD: 6......9......8......23
NYR: 6......3......2......11
--POWER PLAY
NJD: 2/6
NYR: 0/3
--THE HOCKEYWITCH'S THREE LITTLE BITCHES OF THE GAME
3. Tomas Kloucek. If for nothing else, for being an amusing MORON.
Actually, he IS a good player... I know, I know, he's a RANGER. But if
he got off this MICKEY MOUSE team, he might be a halfway decent player.
2. Patrik Elias. Played a good, physical game... He's got a spark
in his play, and it showed tonight.
1. Jason Arnott. Two power play goals... both from the point...
both on the slap shot... Played it tough, stood up for his linemates..
This guy definitely has the credentials to be our captain in a few years.
THIS is the guy we wanted from Edmonton, and THIS is the guy Edmonton's
going to miss.