[Devils-list] Avs...Blues... BONG THIS!!! (game 2)

[BabySykora@aol.com]

Blues/Avs... game 2

--STARTING GOALTENDERS
  (2001 Playoffs Statistics)
COL:  Roy (9-3)  1.58gaa  93.2%
STL:  Turek (8-3)  1.81gaa  93.1%



--FIRST PERIOD

Scott:  see...MacInnis from the blueline....Roy NOT Osgood :p
Me:  PIERRE wearing one of those breathe right things my grandmother wears 
     to sleep.
Scott:  see ??? you got material :)
Me:  ooooohhhh Joey
Scott:  see ???  RECAP dammit :P
Me:  them hands of Hejduk.  They make EVERYTHING better.  maybe he should 
     go help Mr. Foppa find a spleen?
Scott:  see ???  you should be sharing this stuff :)

-So I start late...  and this isn't going to be super-recap... I think 
 I'm going to sit here and just make fun of both teams... well... sorta
-What do you mean Tanguay doesn't score?  He shot from beyond the blue
 line!  Oh... sorry.  Turek not Osgood either?
 Well... maybe he's only Osgood for Owen Nolan?
-Scott tells me that "Roy" means "fuck off St. Louis" in French... that
 wonderful romance language... no wonder Barry likes the bi-lingual
 French-Canadiens so much...
-Salvador leads the playoffs in hits?  That hit by Holik on Kasparaitis
 should count for at least five, so... I think Holik leads in hits
-DUNHAM!  They show us the curve on Turek's stick...  Scott thinks maybe
 someone sat on the thing wrong...
-yeah... you wiggle that ass, Sakic
-Yelle to Messier (the good young one... as opposed to the one that 
 aged like not-so-fine wine)... Turek misplays (he's sleeping... favorite
 hobby, you know)
-Win One for Ray?
-Who says Turek can stop Hinote?  It doesn't MATTER that this is the Avs'
 fourth line.  They're STILL better than St. Louis.
-No Mr. Mellanby.  You couldn't score on Roy as a Panther.  You're not 
 any better as a Blue.
-It doesn't matter if you're Messier and you're younger.  MacInnis is
 STILL better.
-You don't NEED to understand that play.  You WANT Pronger on the blueline.
 You NEED HIM ON THE BLUELINE.
-Blues a'la Roy?  They're for dessert... after your Wings a'la Potvin.
-Scott wonders if Joe Sakic has molested any young teens... since I like
 him he MUST be like Tibbets, eh?  It's JOE SAKIC, Scott.  JOE SAKIC.
 Saying he molested a young teen is almost blasphemous!
-Holy!  They got the last name right!  Hecht!  ROCK!  Maybe they could
 figure out the first name one of these years?
-Al MacInnis is Mr. Danger No. 1 from the blue line?  Blake is Mr. Danger
 No. 2?  TWO?!?
-Me?  Moi?  You're calling a penalty on ME?  But I'M AL MAC INNIS!
 Quote of the day... week... month... year... whatever... just... consider:  
 "I have never won my last game."  - Ray Bourque

(COL: 1  STL: 0)  Bourque (1-pp) {Blake, Tanguay} (13:22)
Ray Bourque doesn't care that you're Al MacInnis, and he really doesn't
care if that's Roman Turek in net either, because well... he said so, eh?
Turek respects his elders... but Bourque pissed off about being considered
and "elder", so... he just says Turek sucks, and shows him no respect.

-Turek singing the Blues... I get no respect...
-Scott says Turek should break out the plaid skirts... time to go to
 bitch school... well... cause Ray Bourque said so.
-Oh I FORGOT!  The Blues ARE a good NHL team... THEY MADE MIKE EASTWOOD
 INTO AN NHL PLAYER!
-Sakic 4-for-4 on penalty shot attempts... so he scores all the time if
 it's one-on-one?
-I'm not really recapping am I... I sorry. *L*
-EEEEIWW THAT IS DISGUSTING!
 On the ESPN intermission, we'll see Barry Melrose break down Chris Drury???
 PLEASE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He's so good... Barry'll just ROOIN HIM!
-I'm sorry, Chris Drury... It's a travesty, really... Chris will just never
 be the same...
-Hejduk's hands aren't THAT good says Turek...
-Seconds remaining and the Blues can't complete a pass, and Stillman hits
 Drury, and Melrose gets very upset about someone else breaking down Drury
 before he can, so that's a penalty!


--SECOND PERIOD
-THEY STILL CAN'T PRONOUNCE THE FIRST NAME RIGHT... Okay guys... just
 call him "Joe", okay?  It's easier, and much less painful
 Colorado is CONFUSED...  this power play is SO discombobulated... Get
 Hejduk out there, please!  He knows what to do on the power play
-Roy with no stick and he's STILL better than St. Louis.  Roy?  He don't
 need no frickin STICK...and the Avs don't NEED to clear the zone...
 cause Patrick Roy SAID SO
-Dingman climbs OVER MacInnis... there will be no penalty.  Even the
 Refs understand that St. Louis is BAD
-Corso looks like he's WEARING Jon Klemm...  (Klemm Fashions... the
 newest in St. Louis outerwear)
-Salvador is just that strong because he can knock Messier down?
 Messier's so old I can knock him down... oh... sorry... WRONG MESSIER
-ROY STILL HAS NO STICK!?!?!?!?!  HE DON'T NEED A STICK!
-Podein has no stick either.  The Avs don't need no stinkin' sticks.
 Sticks are for the WEAK!  
-Defense?  Highly overrated.  Avs take a penalty, but that's okay.
 They don't need five guys, eh?
-SKOULA!??!  SKOULA??!!??  You can't put Skoula in the box!  That's 
 highly improper!
 Tkachuck upchucks the puck... clears it himself!

(COL: 1  STL: 1) Mellanby (2-pp) {MacInnis, Stillman} (8:27)
MacInnis.  Like was said... he's still better than Messier?  He takes
the slap shot after stealing the puck from Pronger (who can't do anything
right today)... Mellanby redirects and Patrick is mightily upset.

-Rob Blake was not touching Scott Mellanby?  Well I'd hope not!  It'd
 be just wrong if Blake molested young girls instead of Tibbets!  (and Sakic?)
-Ugh... now they're mispronouncing the last name again...  NUMBER SEVENTEEN.
 Just call him by his number, McKay?
-Messier can't score on Turek
-MacInnis... not from the blue line, therefore, misses short side
-Drury... he likes scoring game-winning goals... give the puck to him !!!
-The puck is on the St. Louis bench...  That should be delay of game, eh?
 They opened the door... the puck flew in (cause Johnson stops it better
 than Turek?)
-Dallas Drake... Good bye!  Go sit... shut up.  Spit Gatorade out of the
 space between your teeth... 
-HAHA! ESPN has more cameras than Dallas Drake has towels, so it doesn't
 MATTER that he threw towels over the lenses of two cameras...  We can
 still see him sulking...
 Seeing Drake sulking is more exciting than the power play
 WHERE IS MILAN HEJDUK!?!?!?  Here, Milan...  here, Milan Cafe Milan...
 Eastwood just put wood on Hejduk!  That's WRONG!
-Sakic... Podein... deflected wide... Sakic.. Klemm... wide...
-Hinote and Reasoner doing some weird hockey rain dance or something...
 as Turek gets LEVELED... Please, Turek... STAY down... they'll figure
 out how to shoot OVER you... EVENTUALLY.
-Ray Bourque gives us the evil eye
-Drury holds on to Pronger's jersey to hitch a ride up ice...
-Foote at the point

(COL: 2  STL: 1) Foote (2) {Sakic, Hejduk} (18:06)
If Hejduk can't score... and Sakic can't score... it must be about
that time to try the dump in from like... the blue line, eh?
Foote decides that's a good plan, and Turek holds out his arms like,
"how'd that happen!?!  you can't do that!  you're not owen nolan!"
...but doesn't open his mouth... he learned from the best on how to
keep his mouth shut and legs open, eh?

-Reid goes and sits after complaining that "Klemm did it!"
 Pronger... STILL can't do anything right, just because Patrick Roy
 still doesn't need his stick, and well, dammnit, he SAID SO.
 Who chokes in the third round... Blues! Blues Blues Blues!
 ...*singing*...And I guess that's why they call them the Blues...
 MacInnis... BOING!  


--THIRD PERIOD
-Reid sticks his nose out at Mellanby... OF COURSE I CAN SMELL WHAT
 THE ROCK IS COOKING!!!  JUST LOOK AT MY NOSE!!!
 Reid sticks his tongue out at Mellanby... tells him he smelled what
 the Rock was cooking before Mellanby did
 Power play continues because Reid is sitting and working off "KLEMM
 DID IT!!!"
-Sakic clears as Roy tells PIERRE! stories of Dale Hunter
-WHY IS THERE A TARANTULA ON TUREK???
-Roy with delusions of Brodeur... GET BACK IN YOUR NET PATRICK!  You're
 not even close to HEDBERG
-Foppa is out of the hospital...  he's back home... but they just said
 he had a "bruised shoulder and might return"... great...Not even
 Foppa knows what is going on anymore... Uh, Foppa?  You have the flu,
 okay?  You're feeling a little under the weather... you have the FLU.
-Yelle can't take faceoffs and neither can Sakic, so Sakic will take
 the faceoff?  I'M CONFUSED!!!
-NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH!  Sakic's wife is a BRUNETTE!!!
-"Since St. Louis is going after the puck, everone on the ice on the
 side with the puck is offsides when the puck goes to the other side
 with the other team going onsides back on defense."  WHAT!?!?!?!?!!
 CAN SOMEONE TRANSLATE THAT, PLEASE?!!!?
-Oh well... I guess St. Louis confuses EVERYONE...
-HOLY JOE SAKIC!  He's surrounded by five blue jerseys one minute...
 does some weird hop skip and a jump... and he goes free?
-The Blues are confused... they're like the Penguins... why would they
 stay onsides?  That would like... result in actual OFFENSE!
-It's Patrick's new pads...  That's what it is.  It's all those new
 snazzy black and gray pads...  Look like the ones you can get in Modells
 for street hockey for $25.00... but Patrick says they're more better
-Some guys won't step on the blue line... Patrick can't get back in his 
 crease unless he touches each post gently with his stick and makes 
 nicenice with them...  LOVE YOUR POSTS... BE ONE WITH THE POSTS... Yes, 
 Patrick... you are the goaliegod...  Royism... It's a new religion.
-With his eyes... are you going to argue?  Now we understand Foppa's eyes.
 He's like... Roy's right-hand man
-Hejduk does some cute little thing at center... Podein, and... WHOAH!!!

(COL: 3  STL: 1) Podein (2) {Drury, Bourque} (13:21)
Turek can't BELIEVE it!!! Looking behind him as if to say, "Is the puck
really back there???  It is???  Really?!!!? How did it GET THERE???"

-Angela, Turek... Angela put it there.
-Mellanby making sweet love with Blake... and Blake gets called?  
 McKay, Terrific!
 Roy... DENIED.  YOU ARE DENIED BY THE WRATH OF ROY.
 Patrick is zoning.  Great.  Welcome to the AVROY ZONE...  This is not
 the net you're looking for...  he is the gatekeeper?

(COL: 3  STL: 1) MacInnis (2-pp) {Khavanov} (15:52)
Well... MacInnis is holding all the keys maybe, because I think Roy had
delusions of Osgood... but actually, Roy didn't make nicenice enough
with his posts, because this puck goes off one post, and in.

-Patrick talks to his posts... yells at one of them... spanks it... taps
 it... "It's okay dear post... don't let it happen again...  I can't make
 magnetic fields like Hasek."
-Roy... no stick... FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS GAME...  HE DON'T NEED (or want)
 A STICK DAMMNIT!  He's trying to tell us something.  He's out to 
revolutionize
 the art of goaltending... Goaltending Without Sticks... by Patrick Roy.
-MacInnis trying to haul Tanguay down... and strip him of his jersey in 
 the process!  YOUNG BOYS!!!  HE LIKES THE YOUNG BOYS!!! 
-Turgeon with delusions of Dale Hunter... slashes Foote... Foote is barely 
 on his Foot.  But... well there he goes... he's alright.  He's a HOCKEY 
 PLAYER, folks
-Colorado power play:
 Hejduk... come to me Hejduk...
 ROY GET BACK IN YOUR FUCKING CREASE AND DO IT NOW.  DO NOT TAP YOUR POSTS
 JUST GET BACK IN THE CREASE.  OFF THE POST ON A SHORTHANDER IS NOT
 ACCEPTABLE PATRICK
 Drury towards an empty net... misses
 Drury another chance, that's it. :)

(COL: 4  STL: 2) Drury (8-pp, en) {Hejduk} (19:52)
Missed the first time... not the second.

-Game over.  Goodbye, St. Louis... oh, I'm sorry! HELLO, St. Louis... that's
 where we're going. :)


--SHOTS ON GOAL
      1st....2nd....3rd....TOTAL
COL:    8.....7......4......19
STL:   13.....7......10.....30


--POWER PLAY
COL:  2/4
STL:  2/4


--THREE STARS OF THE GAME
3.  Chris Drury.
2.  Milan Hedjuk.
1.  Ray Bourque.


The Hockeywitch
"Mrs Luc"

...disliked by Roenick, Lumme, Dean, Holik, and hockey players everywhere
...flat out HATED by Ed Belfour
...and "fancied" by Marc Bergevin, and the Devils' own Petr Sykora